Leading with Emotional Intelligence

by Aunie Brooks

Executive Vice President, Suit and Shepherd

The word “emotional” can trigger different uncomfortable reactions in people. Some of us hear that word and immediately picture a friend breaking down in tears while we stand by, clueless about what to do. For others, we picture an angry outburst from a parent that stirs up fear and anxiety. The truth is emotions are very powerful and come with powerful memories.

Emotions, in and of themselves, are not bad though. Many studies have been done to show that the most effective leaders in the world are ones who are aware of emotions in themselves and others and can manage those emotions to the benefit of their relationships. In fact, the World Economic Forum listed emotional intelligence as one of the top ten skills needed to thrive in the fourth industrial revolution.

Emotions come with the territory of being human. And as humans, we will bring our emotions with us everywhere we go, including the workplace. Great leaders understand that emotions are not something to suppress. Rather, they are something to study as a helpful message. What lies behind those tears, that eye-roll, or the silent treatment? Instead of reacting hastily to these behaviors, emotionally intelligent leaders take time to understand the reasons behind these behaviors and work to solve problems at the root of the issue. There are many characteristics of emotionally intelligent leaders, but here are just a few:

1. Empathetic

People who lead with empathy take time to put themselves in another person’s shoes so they can see things from their perspective. This allows them to relate to their team members and make them feel heard and validated.

2. Approachable

Emotionally intelligent leaders are aware of their body language and adjust it in a way so others can approach them for clarification, questions, or advice. Approachable leaders smile, walk slowly through the office, and specifically state that they are available to their team.

3. Transparent

Emotionally intelligent leaders are not threatened by their mistakes or negative market trends.  They know the best way to lead through difficult times is to speak openly and honestly about it. They admit mistakes, apologize, and make adjustments that they hope will improve the situation.

Christian leaders have an even greater responsibility to lead with emotional intelligence. Pete Scazzero writes in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality that “emotional health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated. It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” If we are to be the light of the world that points people to Jesus, we must grow emotionally just as we grow spiritually.

A great way to test your emotional intelligence as a Christian is to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Whenever you come to the word “love,” replace it with your name. Can you read it without squirming in your seat?  If not, that’s ok. Just pay attention to the lines that make you squirm the most and start there. What can you do to grow in that area?

If you want to grow in your own emotional intelligence, consider some of the following tips:

• Find a counselor you trust that can help you process your emotions.

• Take Pete Scazzero’s online course on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.

• Make time each day to journal. Write down the emotions you felt throughout the day and the underlying perspectives you have that drive those feelings. Reflect on if you need to make changes to your perspectives.

Remember to have grace for yourself as you grow in your emotional intelligence. This is hard work. The more grace you have for yourself, the more grace you can show to others on their journey.